Planning and Organizing

I’ve never really though of myself as a controlling person as I love supporting others in their endeavors. But in one of my readings today I came face-to-face with one of my roadblocks that I had been trying to identify.

One of my daily devotional readings is a small book by Sarah Young, “Jesus Calling”. In today’s reading it says, “A mind preoccupied with planning pays homage to the idol of control”. Wow. This really hit me. I’m such a planner! I plan meals, work events, art projects, household chores, gardening strategies etc… you name it. Nothing makes me happier than to have all these tasks lined out in an orderly fashion and broken down into my daily duties. It makes me feel so alive! I never dreamed this could be an idol if not kept in check.

So I got to thinking and realized that on the flip side of this planner coin is the stress, anxiety, and fear that often comes when unexpected things happen. This one is tricky because the more organized I am the better I deal with the unexpected because I have the mental space for it. But obviously, while I can handle some things, I don’t handle others so well. So I worked this backwards and started thinking about what stresses me out and I realize it is always when my life takes a turn I didn’t expect to the degree that I feel out of control. So not that every time the unexpected happens I’m stressed, but every time I’m stressed it’s because of something feels out of control. Something I didn’t plan for.

Having lost my family, job, home, financial security, vehicle repossession and burglary among other things over the past few years and not dealing with it very well - or maybe I have and this is what it looks like and I don’t like it - I have spent a ton of time and energy analyzing the decisions I made and trying to figure out what I did wrong. Because all of my planning and organizing and my level of faith did not prepare me for this and I thought it would prevent ‘bad’ things from happening.

I never looked at all my planning and organizing as a way for me to be in control but for me, sometimes it absolutely is. Planning is a skill and a good thing in many ways but I need to keep it in it’s place and I didn’t realize I had come to rely on my abilities to deal with things and was not focused on God and His ability to deal with it and help me through it.

The real beauty of this is that now that I realize that even planning and organizing can get out of control, I can keep it in it’s proper place if I focus more fully on trusting God FIRST and the more I do that the better my life will be. I will continue to plan and organize the best I can, but all UNDER the hat of trusting God to help me to it according to His will and timing.

My apologies for all the run-on sentences but I’ve decided to post short tidbits as often as I can instead of waiting until I have time to correct everything. It helps me to write these things and I hope it helps and encourages you too.

Hope you have a wonderful day!

Laurie :)

Carrying your burdens..

Today I want to focus on grounding and prioritizing.  One of yesterday's readings says, "Accept your situation exactly as it is and then simply place it with your whole heart into the hand of your covenant God."

This is a great exercise for me in 'being present'. Meaning, not looking behind or ahead, not dreaming of something I don't have or a situation I don't have, not wishing things were any different than they are, not running away from or turning away from the things/situations I don't want to see.  This is a mouthful! I think part of my survival is to not look at the things that seem overwhelming or scary or confusing.  Because if I knew how to prevent these things from happening, they would not be in my life.  But since they are in my life, and I don't know how to prevent them from being here, or 'fix' it, my automatic reflex is to just 'look away' and focus on something happier.  This has it's place for sure, because some things just need a new perspective and focusing on the positive can help you be grateful instead of discontent, but it is not the right reaction when God is trying to teach me to 'cast all my cares upon Him'.  In order to do this, I need to face and admit the cares and concerns that hold me down or burden me.   To do this, I need to stop looking away and look directly at my situation, the fears I see in it, the stresses, concerns, unanswered questions and confusion in my attempt to understand why these things are happening in my life.  

Later in my reading it says, "Talk to God about whatever may be pressuring you and then commit the entire matter into His hands......From that point forward, exercise quiet sweet diligence in your work, recognizing your dependence on Him to carry the matter for you."

This is another key thought for me because it reminds me that I will not be able to be diligent in my work unless I have let go of the pressures that distract me.  This exercise is a great way for me to identify when I truly have not given something up to God. Some days I struggle so much that I break down my day into bite-size pieces and say to myself and in my prayers to God, "Please help me make it to work safely", or "Please help me make it till lunch time", or "Please help me get through this day".  All of this in my attempt to break down my struggles into bite size pieces so I can handle them the best way I can.  But this is all leaving out the wonderful blessing from God that HE will take these burdens from me if I will let Him.  

So while breaking things down into bite-size pieces can be a good exercise, I think the better and more beneficial exercise is to give it ALL to God and let HIM handle it.  Because when I do it this way, I am completely submissive to Him and His will and have to let go of my own will, wishes, desires and focus on what is most important to God instead of what is important to me.  I also have to admit and face what is currently happening that I don't like and look at WHY I don't like it.  I can't hand it over to God until I can 'hold' what I"m handing over.  In this way I am also so much more grateful for HIs help and support in getting me through it.  If I have never allowed myself to see the magnitude of my problems, how will I be appropriately grateful for the help in making them better or getting through them?  

I believe this is why I need to be present, see things/situations as accurately as I can, and pray about them and hand them all over to God.  He has ALWAYS made things better than I could have imagined when I do this.  

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."  Matthew 6:33  

Spirit of Fear

Where do our fears come from?

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

So since my fears do not come from God, then they must be one of Satan's tactics to make sure I'm not content.  To work this backwards, if I don't have a spirit of love and a sound mind, then I am not in tune with God's plans for me.  This perspective helps me identify areas of my life that need to be corrected and also lead me to finding the solutions.  I tend to take on too much or blame myself for the wrong parts of a problem I'm facing.  Feeling unworthy, or hopeless or giving up is not constructive or healing and will not lead me to a solution or a way to learn from my mistakes.  This is also a distraction from Satan.  He does not want me to learn from my mistakes so I can improve, or trust God.  He wants me doubting, being afraid, and missing the point.  He also helps me to forget this very principle -- more often than not.  But once I am reminded that God is providing a spirit of love, power and a sound mind, it turns my focus away from the destructive thoughts of myself and provides an avenue for correcting those thoughts and intentions back to God.  

I think identifying accurately the source of our struggles is the key to dissolving them and learning from them.  

This is one of my favorite prayers from Stormie O'Martian's book, "Prayers for Emotional Wholeness"

"Lord, set me free from worry about the future and the bad things I fear could happen.  Help me to focus instead on the situations I face today and Your great power to see me through each one victoriously.  Bless my health, my work, my relationships, my decisions, my finances, my friends, and my family.  I place my life fully in Your hands and trust that You, Lord, will help me and guide me on the path to complete wholeness and success in my life."

Mathew 6:34

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it's own things.  Sufficient for the day is it's own trouble."

Never pray for an easier life...

We all struggle with things and have countless choices in how to deal with these struggles.  This can be anything from minor inconveniences to major events in life.  I am surprised at how easily I deal with some things, and equally surprised at how poorly I seem to deal with and understand others.  We need to understand our fears and needs and emotions and learn where they come from and why we have these reactions to life’s events.  We must learn what our strengths and weaknesses are.  It’s not always easy to get a clear view of ourselves. And where independence and pride can block our self-awareness, we must turn to God for guidance from His word and godly counsel from the people God puts in our lives.  

In my search to conquer some of these challenges, I like to start with a passage from James that I read often, but I continue to struggle with. 

James 1:2-4

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.  But let patience have it’s perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” 

So, in other words, the state of patience = lacking nothing.  I would love to feel like I ‘lack nothing’.  But how often do we really feel that way.  We wish for this or that, complain about this or that, or express in many other ways our being discontent.  This is not a peaceful life nor is it the one God wants for me so I believe He has provided a way for me to learn how to deal with negativity and tragedy in a healthy way.  And I will be stronger each time I follow His guidance and succeed in overcoming my challenges.  This doesn’t mean that I have to like everything that has been put in my path, but I do have the ability to get through it and be stronger in the process if I look at it through God’s eyes and see His purpose in it.  

Let’s imagine that our emotional response is stress, fear or anxiety.  We are to have a respectful and reverential fear or awe of God.  But not of the events He allows to happen in our life.  Anxiety is to fear or worry about what you think might happen.  The cure for fear is experiencing the perfect love of Jesus Christ, which casts out all fear.  And don’t forget - you don’t have to face your fears alone.  

Hebrews 13:5-6 says, "Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” 6 So we may boldly say: “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”

I remind myself the definition of stress is when we perceive our physical, mental or emotional needs or desires are not going to be met and/or we perceive that demands placed on us exceed our resources or ability to meet those demands.   When I look at it this way, I realize that the only way this can happen to me is if I am prioritizing earthly desires and expectations from myself or others above God's expectations.   God promises to take care of me and provide for my needs as long as I am putting Him first in my life.  So if I think I need something I am not being provided then I must be valuing a lifestyle, appearance, condition or expectation that exceeds what God has provided.  This is so humbling to me.  Who am I to argue with God, my Creator, or disagree with what He has provided me?  

This is one of the ways I become perfected in patience.  Because timing is also a part of our expectations and is often the key to overcoming many challenges.  We want everything now.  We don’t really ever want to go through it so the quicker we get past it the better.  But in this way, we cheat ourselves out of the very lesson God is trying to teach us.  If we pray for patience, then when we are tested beyond our comfort and confidence level we ask for the challenge to be removed, how will we ever receive or gain that patience?  This is what also reminds me to trust God.  I probably had a different challenge in mind, one that I felt pretty confident that I could handle, when I prayed for patience.  But God had another, a better, more fitting, more valuable challenge for me.  If it tests or shakes my confidence then I need to realize that my confidence needs to be in God and all He can do for me and not in myself and my limited abilities.  In the end, I have the potential to be a much ‘bigger’ person if I trust Him to provide the lessons in my life that allow me to grow into that ‘bigger’ person.  Why would I cheat myself of that?  The answer to this is really the key for each of us, and I believe for a lot of people it is fear based.  Once we identify and conquer this fear, we will be content and have that “peace that surpasses understanding” Philippians 4:7

It is natural when ‘bad’ things are happening to us that we pray for them to be removed or taken away, but isn’t this actually us being tempted to run away or avoid the very experience or lesson God is trying to teach us?   Is impatience actually the temptation we need to overcome?  Patience can only be acquired by enduring the very trials that are so overwhelming and uncomfortable that we question our ability to overcome them.  That’s why this is a test of our faith.  

Never pray for an easier life — pray to be a stronger person!

Never pray for tasks equal to your power — pray for power equal to your tasks.

Then doing your work will be no miracle — you will be the miracle.   Phillips Brooks

1 Corinthians 16:13

“Be men of courage, be strong.”

I hope this is encouraging to you.  I know when I remind myself of these things, I do feel stronger, more humble, more grateful, more hopeful and more trusting in God that He really does love me and have a purpose for the seemingly inexplicable events in my life.

Laurie :)

Grounding....

 Today I am reminding myself what it means to me to be a counselor.  It's not just the honest interaction between myself and others, it's not that I'm 'helping people' (although I do value that).  Mostly I think it is that I am following God's direction in my life.  He gave me the skills I need to counsel those He puts in my life and I must trust Him to lead me where He wants me to go.  In this process, I am always learning, and so are those I counsel.  This is a beautiful relationship and I’m so blessed for each and every one of you who are a part of this.

But for today, I want to focus on counseling in general.  As many of you already know, the first step to solving a problem is to admit that you have a need that is not being met and desire a change that.  As Henry Cloud puts it, “We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.” 

God has made us with a variety of needs including spiritual, physical, emotional, psychological, and intellectual and He is ready and able to supply these needs.  When making important decisions, He provides scripture, guidance from the Holy Spirit and wisdom from people in our lives who provide godly examples and advice.  But we must seek it out.

What amount of pain will it take for you to stop procrastinating and make the change?  Is Fear in the way?  You have the power to do it.  So why are you not doing it?  Fear is a lack of trust and faith in God.  But why would we doubt Him, our loving Creator?  If you are suffering, godly counseling is often healing and should not bring shame or embarrassment.  Godly counseling reminds us all to rely on God as the main source of healing, integration, balance, wholeness, well-being, safety and approval. 

In John 5:1-9 it says,  “After this there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. Now there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, which is called in Hebrew, Bethesda, having five porches. In these lay a great multitude of sick people, blind, lame, paralyzed, waiting for the moving of the water. For an angel went down at a certain time into the pool and stirred up the water, then whoever stepped in first, after the stirring of the water, was made well of whatever disease he had.”

“Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, ‘Do you want to be made well?'”

“The sick man answered Him, ‘Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I am coming, another steps down before me.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Rise, take up your bed and walk.’ And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed and walked. And that day was the Sabbath.”

This man was in the company of others who knew of his ailments, yet they apparently did not offer help him to the pool.  I think it’s so interesting that Jesus asked him, “Do you want to be made well?”  I cannot imagine there is any doubt that he wanted to be well, but this man had to desire to change, admit the desire and willingness to do what was necessary to change, and trust God to help him make that change.  I always wonder what he did with the rest of his life?  And there are so many things to talk about in this passage, but I will save those for another post. 

So while I am facing many changes in my life right now, I am reminded to completely trust in God.  For me that means:

I am not afraid because I trust and believe He will provide my needs

I will keep my focus on Him and what He wants me to do

I will follow His lead and not get ahead of Him or lag behind

If I feel fear creeping up, I will immediately identify it and turn it over to God

If I don’t receive what I am expecting, then I need to ask God to show me another direction.  Maybe this door has been closed so that another can open.

But mostly, I need to trust the changes in my life to be from God and embrace them.  

Do you need to make changes in your life?

Is your life changing and you don't want it to?

Remember to trust in God and turn to those in your life who are equipped and ready to help you during this time of transition to a better place.

Grateful for provisions....

It never ceases to amaze me how much God provides for me and at the perfect time.  What does that say about me and my faith?  It is growing.  All the time.  Or, if you prefer, it is lacking.  All the time.  Either way, I am frequently reminded that He is active in my life in more ways than I acknowledge.

Today’s post is generated from my deep appreciation of a devotional article I read in one of my books.  I read these books every day, according to the appointed date, and I never read ahead or behind.  Sort of a rule for myself.  So when the readings identify what I am experiencing at that exact moment and offer the perfect advice or perspective that I need, I can’t help but believe God is somehow behind this perfection. I don’t understand it, but I am SO grateful for it.

The reading today was explaining the benefit of being isolated from everyone and everything you are used to and the blessings that can come from this uncomfortable state.  Referring to the widow and her two sons in 2 Kings 4:4, it says, “They had to be isolated from everyone, separated from human reasoning, and removed from the natural tendencies to prejudge their circumstance…….depending on God alone.”  (more later on ‘prejudging our circumstances’)  This is exactly what I needed to hear today as I am facing severe and intense trials in my life right now and it’s left me feeling so confused and seeking a reason or understanding for the situation I am in.  It tells me that God is going to great lengths in my life to get my proper attention.  As much as I think I am putting Him first in my life, my reaction to unexpected changes that I see as unfavorable corrects my thinking.  If I were really putting Him first, my first reaction would not be fear or worry but an understanding that God has allowed or orchestrated this for my benefit.  To draw me closer to Him and rely on him entirely.  Not on whatever I have lost.  I know that in my life, tragedy and loss has ‘called me on the carpet’ and reminded me that I have let myself trust in something other than God.  Not that we shouldn’t experience sorrow with our losses but they don’t need to destroy us.

But this also requires action on our part.  As stated in my reading, “We are to enter a secret chamber of isolation in prayer and faith that is very fruitful.  At certain times and places, God will build a mysterious wall around us.  He will take away all the supports we customarily lean upon, and will remove our ordinary ways of doing things.  God will close us off to something divine, completely new and unexpected, and that cannot be understood by examining our previous circumstances.  We will be in a place where we do not know what is happening, where God is cutting the cloth of our lives by a new pattern, and thus where He causes us to look to Him.”   Wow.  This describes perfectly how He has worked in my life the past few years and that makes it so much more comforting to be reminded that He will do the same in my current situation.  How could I forget?  I think it’s just the way we humans are wired; we need constant reminding and training.

“Most Christians lead a treadmill life — a life in which they can predict almost everything that will come their way.”  This described my life up until the past few years.  I didn’t have all the answers to my problems but I knew how to get them, was able to find them and learn from them and so I was not afraid of unexpected challenges or changes in life. I didn’t know what was coming and I didn’t welcome ‘bad’ things in my life, but I had so many resources (health benefits, work/life benefits through my job, friends, family, wise people around me…) I had confidence that I could survive them and even be stronger in the process.  But the past few years have shattered that confidence which tells me I was more confident in MYSELF than in God.  So I am being lovingly corrected.

The article further says, “But the souls that God leads into unpredictable and special situations are isolated by Him.  All they know is that God is holding them and that He is dealing in their lives.  Then their expectations come from Him alone.”  This totally changes my perspective.  It takes me from feeling absolutely inadequate, foolish, lost and confused to instead believing God really does have a purpose in me going through this pain and fear and HE is that purpose.  I have allowed myself to get distracted from the main priority in life: put God first -in everything.  In my life, this means daily Bible reading, prayer, and trusting Him.

So now, I am reminded that when human reasoning isn’t helping me or answering any of my questions and also when it IS helping me, either way, I must remain detached from earthly things and keep myself attached to God.  “It is through the most difficult trials that God often brings the sweetest discoveries of Himself”

Excerpts taken from “Streams in the Desert” L.B. Cowman

Separated from human reasoning...

It never ceases to amaze me how much God provides for me and at the perfect time.  What does that say about me and my faith?  It is growing.  All the time.  Or, if you prefer, it is lacking.  All the time.  Either way, I am frequently reminded that He is active in my life in more ways than I acknowledge.  

Today's post is generated from my deep appreciation of a devotional article I read in one of my books.  I read these books every day, according to the appointed date, and I never read ahead or behind.  Sort of a rule for myself.  So when the readings identify what I am experiencing at that exact moment and offer the perfect advice or perspective that I need, I can't help but believe God is somehow behind this perfection. I don't understand it, but I am SO grateful for it.

The reading today was explaining the benefit of being isolated from everyone and everything you are used to and the blessings that can come from this uncomfortable state.  Referring to the widow and her two sons in 2 Kings 4:4, it says, "They had to be isolated from everyone, separated from human reasoning, and removed from the natural tendencies to prejudge their circumstance.......depending on God alone."  (more later on 'prejudging our circumstances')  This is exactly what I needed to hear today as I am facing severe and intense trials in my life right now and it's left me feeling so confused and seeking a reason or understanding for the situation I am in.  It tells me that God is going to great lengths in my life to get my proper attention.  As much as I think I am putting Him first in my life, my reaction to unexpected changes that I see as unfavorable corrects my thinking.  If I were really putting Him first, my first reaction would not be fear or worry but an understanding that God has allowed or orchestrated this for my benefit.  To draw me closer to Him and rely on him entirely.  Not on whatever I have lost.  I know that in my life, tragedy and loss has 'called me on the carpet' and reminded me that I have let myself trust in something other than God.  Not that we shouldn't experience sorrow with our losses but they don't need to destroy us.

But this also requires action on our part.  As stated in my reading, "We are to enter a secret chamber of isolation in prayer and faith that is very fruitful.  At certain times and places, God will build a mysterious wall around us.  He will take away all the supports we customarily lean upon, and will remove our ordinary ways of doing things.  God will close us off to something divine, completely new and unexpected, and that cannot be understood by examining our previous circumstances.  We will be in a place where we do not know what is happening, where God is cutting the cloth of our lives by a new pattern, and thus where He causes us to look to Him."   Wow.  This describes perfectly how He has worked in my life the past few years and that makes it so much more comforting to be reminded that He will do the same in my current situation.  How could I forget?  I think it's just the way we humans are wired; we need constant reminding and training.  

"Most Christians lead a treadmill life -- a life in which they can predict almost everything that will come their way."  This described my life up until the past few years.  I didn't have all the answers to my problems but I knew how to get them, was able to find them and learn from them and so I was not afraid of unexpected challenges or changes in life. I didn't know what was coming and I didn't welcome 'bad' things in my life, but I had so many resources (health benefits, work/life benefits through my job, friends, family, wise people around me...) I had confidence that I could survive them and even be stronger in the process.  But the past few years have shattered that confidence which tells me I was more confident in MYSELF than in God.  So I am being lovingly corrected.   

The article further says, "But the souls that God leads into unpredictable and special situations are isolated by Him.  All they know is that God is holding them and that He is dealing in their lives.  Then their expectations come from Him alone."  This totally changes my perspective.  It takes me from feeling absolutely inadequate, foolish, lost and confused to instead believing God really does have a purpose in me going through this pain and fear and HE is that purpose.  I have allowed myself to get distracted from the main priority in life: put God first -in everything.  In my life, this means daily Bible reading, prayer, and trusting Him.

So now, I am reminded that when human reasoning isn't helping me or answering any of my questions and also when it IS helping me, either way, I must remain detached from earthly things and keep myself attached to God.  "It is through the most difficult trials that God often brings the sweetest discoveries of Himself"

Excerpts taken from "Streams in the Desert" L.B. Cowman

My new view....

 

It's so good to finally be back and able to start blogging again after several months of relocating.  I am still surrounded with boxes but those numbers are being reduced each week and it's starting to feel like I'm home again.  Moving always feels so stressful for me but I learn so much each time I do it.  No two moves are the same and it doesn't seem to matter how often I move, it always comes with the unexpected.   It really makes me sit and consider what my expectations were and how to deal with life when something completely different happens.  What are your experiences?  What have you learned?  What do you want to learn?

Grateful for firewood....

Tonight I am so grateful to have a firewood delivery. We had to decide between groceries or wood and we chose food. That means we got a roast to cook in the crockpot for Christmas and ingredients for other yummy side dishes and we are so excited! The house has been averaging 45-50 degrees and we had acclimated to that pretty well until yesterday when the wind kicked up and the temperature dropped significantly and so while we didn’t regret spending the money on groceries, we were definitely wishing we had some wood for the fireplace. And then, my boyfriend called and said a relative of one of his workers who is also a friend lives near us and will sell us wood at a discount!   Long story short, he paid for half and it was delivered today and our house went from 41 degrees to almost 60!

But what really made me think was while I was stacking the wood (and I’m obviously no expert) I was thinking how grateful I am that our home would be warm but also for the experience of gathering and stacking the wood. Like I was ‘winter nesting’ or something. Preparing for winter. Having the ability to prepare for winter instead of knowing it was coming and hopingwe would be able to stay warm. There was just something so fulfilling about stacking up all that great smelling wood and I was just so grateful!!

Grateful for peaceful moments....

This morning I woke up to moisture! Something I crave but have not experienced in so long I can’t remember the last time. There are clouds, fog and a drop here and there of, well, I can’t call it rain but it was moisture. It was glorious!! But as I was reading my morning devotionals on the porch something suddenly grabbed my attention so I pulled myself out of my inner focus to see what it was. And it was absolutely silent. Like the fog had brought peace along with it. My daughter was reading next to me and she picked up on the same thing at the same time as I did. Neither of us having said a word. It was magical. A totally different sound of silence and peace than what happens in the middle of the night. A different pitch. I had never been aware before that there really is a ‘sound of silence’. Normally, there are many sounds in the morning. Donkeys, roosters, dogs, cars, people, and tons of birds. But not today.

Neither of us wanted to speak or even breathe too loud so as not to disturb the moment. Even a leaf falling from the tree seemed loud in this silence. It was completely refreshing, healing, and balancing.   So I respected the silence and let it serve me. What a wonderful way to start today. I am so grateful!

Grateful for hindsight....

While my purpose for writing about Gratitude is to increase my awareness of daily blessings, I must take this opportunity to express my gratitude for the clarity of hindsight.  I am always so comforted by seeing the beauty of lessons learned, even if the process of learning was not pleasant.

The photo I chose for this post is from last year’s Christmas when I was employed, had an oven, had money for food for us and to make fudge as gifts, had firewood for warmth, my daughter was with me and my pets were doing well.  This year I am unemployed, struggling with but also grateful for food stamps, have lost two of my pets, am being evicted from my home with no guidance for direction yet and no place to go, no money to get there, and have no firewood.

Last year I was grateful for wood but was discontent with the house staying below 50 degrees even when I kept the fire going all day.  I was wishing I could buy gifts for my family,  even though I remember being grateful I could purchase the ingredients for festive fudge and managed to make cards to share with everyone.  I was stressed out at the tiny living quarters we have right now and the lack of space to function efficiently.

This year, I look back and realize how much of a luxury an oven can be, having gone almost a year without one now.  But God has blessed us tremendously and we were able to purchase (Thanksgiving week) a countertop convection oven that we have used daily.  I struggle with not letting my fears of the electric bill going up higher than we can afford (since technically it already is) get the better of me.  But isn’t that a great example of what Satan wants me to think?  Instead of being so focused on the joy of being able to bake in the winter and festive times of the year, he wants me to worry that the electricity (which in reality is super expensive in this all-electric poorly insulated home) will climb above my ability to pay for it.  No matter what, he does not want me happy or content.  So we argue.  Most of the time I win by thanking God for His blessings instead of listening to Satan.  But in my weaker moments, my heart skips a beat when I wonder how much higher the next bill will be.

But back to my hindsight, last year I had no idea how much more challenging this December would be and so I saw the things I wished would be better.  This year, I’m faced with some very real challenges, but even so, I am still so blessed.  I counseled the homeless and know from their details of their experiences how important my walls are -no matter how thin or how much insulation is lacking.  They still block a huge amount of wind and cold.  Not to mention provide safety.  I don’t have to worry that my belongings will disappear if I fall asleep, or wonder what crimes will be taking place all around me as I sleep.  I am so protected in my room, in my home, on my gated property.  And my bed is so much softer than concrete.  So I am reminded again that it’s all about perspective.  What I am focused on.  What I desire.  What I am exposed to.  What I pay attention to.  What I value.  Who I am.  Who I want to be.  How I can help others.  It really makes me sound so petty to complain about what I do not have, but mostly it makes me feel so blessed and grateful that God never ceases to provide for me.  And somehow, hindsight helps to remind me of this.

Grateful for creativity....

Tonight I am grateful for my art/craft supplies and the time and ability to make happy things to give to other people. These cards were a ton of work but I just kept thinking how this year, since I lost my job, if I didn’t have my supplies I would not have anything to give. So I went to work coordinating my card patterns with the paper I already had and came up with this one. I made 13 in all and even when I was super tired from working hours at a time on them, they made me happy to look at them in the end.

So tonight I am grateful that God has made me a creative person and has given me the supplies to support it.

Unconditional Love for Yourself (Part1)

 

It occurs to me that each year that the goals or resolutions I struggle (or fail) with keeping are the ones I never wanted to do in the first place.  They are the accomplishments or actions I have seen in others that I admire and so I want to admire them in myself as well.  It seems their lives run smoother, they are more balanced, more healthy, happy, etc…. and it’s because of what I ‘see’ them doing in their life.  So if I do that too, I will also have the successful life I think they have.  So I start analyzing and identifying what I need to do in my life that will accomplish those valuable things for me. 

But what I am not considering in this thinking is that each of us is different and our lives are all balanced in different ways.  Sure, we have some of these things in common, but ultimately we are each unique individuals with a unique set of needs.  For me this is what makes it hard to really understand and accept myself.  It is much easier for me to listen to someone sharing with me what makes them angry, hurt, ashamed, or happy, loved, appreciated.  They have already identified the issues and are just seeking counsel on what to do about them.

But how do I look inside and identify what MY needs are?  As soon as I can identify my unique ‘list of ingredients’ that fulfills my life, I can then see what I need to change.  This is the clear path to setting goals I can actually keep and that will build me up instead of setting me up for disappointment in myself and my life.

to be continued.....

Grateful for healing herbs....

Today I am so grateful for being able to replenish some of the herbs I take. I had run out a few months ago and have been so depleted. I received some in the mail yesterday and the rest today and I am so amazed at the difference they make in how I feel.   I am blessed not to have anything serious, but my body and mind and emotions are very fatigued by a traumatic event I suffered a few months ago that was the beginning of the end of a two-year cycle of severe emotional abuse.  I totally believe our thoughts control our physical state and dealing with this stress has been so difficult to keep my thinking healthy and positive. But I discovered (after much research) some very helpful herbs that make it much more manageable.

So today I am super grateful for herbal remedies and that we had the money to purchase them.

Gratitude during trials...

Today I am grateful for my Bible and for free access to exercises that help to balance me. It has been such an upsetting day as I have had to call several creditors to tell them I lost my job and have run out of money to pay them. While I totally believe that God has a plan for me and I just have to trust Him to show me the way to get through this, I keep reminding myself what it says in James 1:2-7

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.”

So these trials are showing me where I am weak in my faith because if I were stronger I would not be as upset and would be viewing my situation as God is. Obviously, I am viewing my situation through my human eyes. And I am also impatient. This one is easier for me to address because I was ready to work over a month ago –when it was much less painful financially, since friends and other random sources of income covered the main bills I needed to pay. But this is kind of the beauty of my pain today. If I had been hired a month ago, I would not be in the spot I am in today, going through this test of faith, and this would not be an opportunity for me to grow in this area. So the main message I am getting here is that God wants me to grow in faith and patience so I can be more pleasing to Him. How can I argue (in my mind) with what God is doing for me for my benefit? I believe this is an example of looking at my situation through God’s eyes and not my own. And that is the wisdom I seek. But it doesn’t come without a price or trial.

So while these thoughts are flying around in my mind, I was also able to shift my energy physically with my online exercises (currently Yogadownload.com and New York City Ballet Workouts on YouTube) and let all that negative energy flow through me instead of getting stuck inside of me. I followed this with putting Young Living essential oils in my diffuser and re-reading James 1 and I feel like a totally different person –in the best way!

So today I am grateful for having access to God, online exercises that heal me, and natural products like essential oils that help to lift my mood and improve my thinking.

Compassion for Yourself and Others

 

It is so important to really learn and understand who yourself first.  It is also an endless journey.  Once you begin a deeper understanding of yourself, you can more easily have compassion for yourself and grow into the person you want to be, without judgment and blame, but with acceptance and appreciation for who you are created to be.    But this is often a daunting task and people usually ask, “Where do I even begin?”  While that will be a different answer for everyone, I think one good place to start could be by realizing that everything we do, we do to meet a need. Once you have an idea what your needs are, you can discover why these needs exist.  There is a void in our lives that creates the need, and then we seek to fill it. 

Another beneficial way to use this perspective is to observe the actions of others –whether positive or negative.  They are also acting out of their own needs.  If you can understand them better, you can have compassion for them instead of being angry, frustrated , or impatient with them.

But this calls upon us to be mindful and present and not REact automatically to the actions of others.   Find space to pause and examine the situation without judgment or prejudices and see it from the other person’s perspective.  Then we can be PROactive and communicate more positively. 

We all have needs.  We all react to words and events around us differently.  So instead of focusing on judging and blaming or defending, if we focus on needs, we find the common ground for understanding all people.

Grateful for space....

I am 54 and my daughter is 35 and we share a small bedroom in a tiny house that a friend is renting and letting us live rent free.  SO much to be grateful for in that sentence, but my human arrogance and bad attitudes are always longing for a room of my own where I can shut the door and just be by myself when I want to.  A place to study and cultivate my inner peace.  Just some space to myself and for myself.  The apartment I used to live in, when I was working a very good job with great benefits and only 2 miles away from where I was living, was in a very busy part of the city.  We weren’t far from the police and fire station and close to the main route to a hospital nearby so we were always hearing sirens, alarms, dogs barking, etc.  My sliding glass door was about 20 feet from the busy street where all this traffic went by.  Somehow I got used to the all the noise and sirens being just a few feet away, but now I cannot imagine it as I reflect back on this time in my life.  And this was in 2014, just three short years ago.

Today, I live in the desert, one of my least favorite places, outside a small town and with very limited resources.  Adding this to the shared room, and a very challenging house set up, it is easy to be discontent.  But at 6:30 this morning, as I was enjoying the peace and quiet sitting outside on the porch and looking at the view, I was reminded that God knows what is best for me and I will sorely miss the peace of living outside of town in such a quiet area.  We live off of a dirt road and there are no city lights so you can see the stars.  There are wild rabbits, hares, coyotes, snakes and we wake up to donkeys braying and roosters crowing and peacocks making their unique sounds and so many types of birds!!  And I have a porch.  I knew I have always wanted one, but now I’ve been able to enjoy one for two years.  After making coffee and feeding the pets, I sit on this porch every morning -even when it’s 19 degrees and I’m all bundled up – and I read my Bible and devotionals, drinking my coffee, and strengthening myself for the day and reminding myself to focus on what is really important in life.  That definition is not always easy to see.

So today, I thank God for the space that I have been provided and the peace that comes with it.

Gratitude during affliction....

I found out yesterday that I did not get a job I had interviewed for that I really wanted.  I know and trust that God has a plan for me for something better but in my human wisdom (or foolishness) it seemed like the perfect job, location, salary and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.  All the signs that God was opening this door for me and provide a way for me to get back on track financially.  This month is the beginning of the serious phone calls when I tell the government and the state that I cannot cover my monthly automatic deductions.  I was so hoping and praying for a solution that would come in time to avoid these phone calls.

This calls attention again, to my daily exercise of being grateful every day for something.  Because no matter how bad it seems to get, I KNOW there are countless daily blessings that are escaping my notice.  And this is because I have allowed myself to focus on the wrong things.  So today I reference 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”    I think I will make an art project out of this verse today and will share it later on.

But back to the exercise, today I am grateful for my daughter and my pets who live with me, a home with walls to protect me from the 19 degrees weather outside (I know some homeless people who have to endure these temperatures with no shelter at all), enough wood left for one more fire which transforms the house, and we have plenty of  blankets and food for us and the pets for the next few days.  And since I am not working I have plenty of time for art and catching up on my Bible study and Udemy classes.

Grateful for friends....

Today I am grateful for friends.  Actually, I have been feeling this particularly since Sunday when a friend, my daughter and I went to see Murder on the Orient Express.  I have been doing a countdown for months to see this movie, being an Agatha Christie fan in general.  I was disappointed on Thanksgiving that I did not get to go see this movie that day as that had been what my daughter and I had been planning to do with our free tickets.  Long story short, I ended up going to a movie my boyfriend wanted to see instead.  Being currently and unexpectedly unemployed, I did not have hope of being able to pay to see this movie at a later date.  But, it’s just a movie afterall, and not something I get to enjoy very often, so any movie was a treat.

But then a couple of things happened.  One friend sent me some money to help purchase gas for the car, toilet paper, cat litter and other necessities and another friend called me up to see if she could take all three of us to see this movie.  She is having a hard time and wanted a change of pace and knew of my current financial challenges and so we agreed.  We decided to meet there but something came up and she was delayed but still wanted to come.  So I was grateful to use the money my other friend had sent to help us get tickets and seats and still get to see the movie and we had such a good time!!  Being pretty much housebound right now it was so invigorating to get to ‘get out’ and do something fun.  I am so blessed to have friends who care for me and who have helped me so much during this challenging and stressful time.

Happy December!

This was such a great picture and quote posted on Instagram by danawfulton that I just had to repost it here. It reminds me to be grateful that I have access to God’s Word and also to communicate with Him through prayer and reading the Bible.  Today I am hoping to hear if I got the job I interviewed for a couple of days ago.  We are so close to reaching the bottom of the barrel with food, toilet paper etc… and paying the electric bill and I have no money coming in to help pay for these things.  But I have enough for today and tomorrow so I am reminded, “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matt. 6:34)  So today I will do some cleaning up and try to figure out if we are having trouble with the septic tank.  We have a terrible smell and I cannot find a reason why.  That is enough for today for me to deal with.  So I will ask God to help me handle today the way He wants me to and to see everything the way He sees it.  That will help me keep it in perspective and not be too overwhelmed.  I am grateful that I can strive to think this way because it gives me hope and reminds me that I will survive this.