Unconditional Love for Yourself (Part1)

 

It occurs to me that each year that the goals or resolutions I struggle (or fail) with keeping are the ones I never wanted to do in the first place.  They are the accomplishments or actions I have seen in others that I admire and so I want to admire them in myself as well.  It seems their lives run smoother, they are more balanced, more healthy, happy, etc…. and it’s because of what I ‘see’ them doing in their life.  So if I do that too, I will also have the successful life I think they have.  So I start analyzing and identifying what I need to do in my life that will accomplish those valuable things for me. 

But what I am not considering in this thinking is that each of us is different and our lives are all balanced in different ways.  Sure, we have some of these things in common, but ultimately we are each unique individuals with a unique set of needs.  For me this is what makes it hard to really understand and accept myself.  It is much easier for me to listen to someone sharing with me what makes them angry, hurt, ashamed, or happy, loved, appreciated.  They have already identified the issues and are just seeking counsel on what to do about them.

But how do I look inside and identify what MY needs are?  As soon as I can identify my unique ‘list of ingredients’ that fulfills my life, I can then see what I need to change.  This is the clear path to setting goals I can actually keep and that will build me up instead of setting me up for disappointment in myself and my life.

to be continued.....

Compassion for Yourself and Others

 

It is so important to really learn and understand who yourself first.  It is also an endless journey.  Once you begin a deeper understanding of yourself, you can more easily have compassion for yourself and grow into the person you want to be, without judgment and blame, but with acceptance and appreciation for who you are created to be.    But this is often a daunting task and people usually ask, “Where do I even begin?”  While that will be a different answer for everyone, I think one good place to start could be by realizing that everything we do, we do to meet a need. Once you have an idea what your needs are, you can discover why these needs exist.  There is a void in our lives that creates the need, and then we seek to fill it. 

Another beneficial way to use this perspective is to observe the actions of others –whether positive or negative.  They are also acting out of their own needs.  If you can understand them better, you can have compassion for them instead of being angry, frustrated , or impatient with them.

But this calls upon us to be mindful and present and not REact automatically to the actions of others.   Find space to pause and examine the situation without judgment or prejudices and see it from the other person’s perspective.  Then we can be PROactive and communicate more positively. 

We all have needs.  We all react to words and events around us differently.  So instead of focusing on judging and blaming or defending, if we focus on needs, we find the common ground for understanding all people.